Tee. Tee-hee.
Tee-hee. Tee-hee.
- Boo! - Ah!
- What are you doing? - I'm getting rid of your hiccups.
- I didn't have hiccups. - Then why are you squeaking?
I was rehearsing my new sketch. Here, help me out.
"dumb blonde frozen dinners:
So simple, even a dumb blonde can make them."
I'm guessing your catchphrase is... - Tee-hee.
All right, this sketch is horrible
And demeaning... To blondes...
And girls, of which you are both.
Look, my manager thinks
This could be a breakout sketch for me.
I'll be the tee-hee girl. So what's my next line?
- It starts with a tee... - Hee!
- Whew. - Hey hey hey hey.
What are you doing, man? Two pickles is the limit...
( whispers ) and murphy is right over there.
You know what? I'm tired of living in fear of murphy.
A man should be allowed as many pickles as he wants.
- Look-- - I'll talk to murphy.
- No no no. - Murphy!
- Oh! - Ah!
- You're not murphy. - Murphy's on vacation.
I'm filling in. - I know, I know. We'll put the pickles back.
Nah. Comic geniuses like you guys deserve
All the pickles you want.
- Comic geniuses? - I like this guy already.
Yeah. Good thing I brought my pickle bag.
- Mm-hmm. - Whew.
- Hey! - Whoa!
What do you idiots think you're doing?
These must be the two chucklebutts
Murphy warned us about.
I'm sorry guys, this is my partner- officer rothpan.
He doesn't like a lot of things.
Oh my gosh, it's chad dylan cooper!
I love your work.
- Thank you, thank you. - What are you thanking him for?
I'm the one who loves " mackenzie falls."
How could you like that show?
What-- what is the matter with you?
What the matter with him?
What's the matter with you? Dude, he's not real.
At least he has real taste.
Thank you.
He touched me.
I will never wash my head again.
Go nuts with the pickles.
Dude, with murphy gone,
We can do everything we've ever wanted to do.
Yeah, like-- like use the toilet
In chad dylan cooper's private bathroom.
That's what I like about you, grady-- you dream big.
You know, you're like the neil armstrong of bathrooms.
- But first-- pickles. - Mm-hmm.
- Tee-hee. - Tawni, I'm telling you:
Nobody acts this dumb in real life.
( boys laughing ) pickles! Pickles!
Well, except them.
- ( rings ) - ( screams )
* off to the races, I'm going places *
* might be a long shot, not gonna waste it *
* this is the big break and it's calling my name *
* yeah! *
* so far, so great, get with it *
* at least that's how I see it *
* having a dream is just the beginning *
* so far, so great, believe it *
* can't take away this feeling *
* taking a ride with chance on my side *
* yeah, I can't wait *
* so far, so great *
* so far, so great * ( vocalizing )
Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com
Yeah, mom, I got the mop.
No no no no, I love it.
You know, when they told me that my mom left a gift,
I was thinking, "gosh, I hope it's a mop."
Okay, I love you too.
- Bye. - ( beeps )
Tawni, can you believe my mom got-- - shh!
Whoa! You're not tawni!
I have to go- the cleaning girl is here.
Bye. And not a minute too soon--
This place is a sty.
Huh. You look like tawni,
You're treating me like the maid,
Which could only mean one thing--
- You're tawni's mom tami! - And you are?
You don't know me from the show?
Oh, I only watch my daughter.
Oh, you must be the other girl, Sunday!
Sonny.
Oh, that's cute.
Mommy, I love it!
( screams ) I knew you would!
I saw it in the store and it just shrieked, "buy me."
And then when it didn't fit me I knew it would be perfect for you.
Wow. When my mom gets me a t-shirt
It's always something stupid on it
Like a cow saying, "I'm udderly ridiculous."
- 'cause the-- - ( giggles )
Do you see the things I protect you from?
Oh, mommy, you're the best.
( both giggle ) mwah! Mwah!
- Lips-- - reapply!
Where's my cocoa-mocho-cocoa?
Both: Cocoa-mocho-cocoa? Cocoa-mocho-cocoa?
Cocoa-mocho-cocoa...?
Ahem.
( gasps )
Both: Cocoa-mocho-cocoa.
I gotcha!
You are a regular lip saver! Thank you!
Reapply.
Reapply!
( both hum )
You guys are cocoa-mocho-loco!
Wow.
There it is- chad's private bathroom.
( chorus of angels )
The cooper booper.
Mackenzie's stall.
The hoity-toity.
Ooh, nicely done.
For that I'm gonna let you go first.
- Let's do this! - Let's go!
Shh!
Can't you chew quieter? You're gonna wake the guards.
Yeah. There's that little guy who hates us.
The little guy isn't real!
Come on, let's go.
( toilet flushes )
Sorry, what? I was in an important meeting.
Okay, now's our chance.
Both: To the cooper pooper!
Okay, I'll stand guard.
All right.
See you on the other side, man.
- ( pinball machine rattles ) - pinball?
- ( bowling pins crash ) - bowling?
( pool balls clack )
Grady. Grady--
This place is awesome!
He even has "so random" toilet paper. Look.
Look, our faces are on it.
There's me-- - dude, that's not a good thing!
Just go in there and do your business before--
Huh? What?
Oh no, the little guy's waking up!
Who is it? Who's there?
Guys, run! I don't know how much longer I can hold him!
- You realize he's a-- - just run!
Tee-hee. To cook a dumb blonde frozen dinner,
Just put it in the microwave.
Or just eat it like this.
Tee-hee!
All right, tawni, you are not doing this sketch. I forbid you.
Look, I get it. I don't like this sketch either,
But my manager thinks this role is good for me.
Tawni, what is your manager's job?
To guide my career and find opportunities
That make me shine and showcase my talent.
Yeah, like that piÃ±ata girl sketch that you didn't want to do
But she made you do anyway?
Remember? Grady kept hitting you until all the candy came out.
She said it would make me wealthy.
And instead it made you welty.
You know she never listens to me.
Maybe you should call her and tell her to.
- You're right. - Yeah.
Hi, yes, this is tawni.
I'm not doing the dumb blonde frozen sketch.
See? Doesn't that feel good?
It feels great! She said I have to do it.
No you don't! Remember, she works for you.
I have just been reminded that you work for me.
What do you think of that? Ha ha!
She didn't like that.
Too bad. You did, so keep going.
Well, if you can't listen to me and respect my wishes,
- Then you are- - what's that word? - Fired!
Fired!
Yeah, that's right!
Wow! I was thinking "mistaken"
But "fired" really rolled off the tongue, huh?
You were amazing, tawni.
I was, wasn't I? I'm nobody's dumb blonde.
- Tee-hee! - Tee-hee!
Boy, I wish I could have seen your manager's face
When you told her that she was fired.
- I'm fired? - Oh, there's the face!
No, that's the face of your mom.
Oh my gosh, your mom's your manager!
Was. - My own daughter is firing me!
How could you?
( bawls )
It was sonny's idea.
You're taking career advice from the maid?
I am not the maid!
But I do want to clean up this mess.
Listen, you are tami and tawni hart. - Yeah.
You are mother and daughter.
You just need to go home and have a--
A heart-to-heart.
Hart to hart-- ( guffaws )
Just learn to see eye to eye before you go toe to toe.
( guffaws )
Before you know it, you'll be dancing cheek to cheek!
You know what? That was "udderly ridiculous."
Oh, bye, guys.
( whistling )
- Gentlemen. - Mr. Cooper.
Hi, chad. Great episode last night.
I laughed, I cried--
I slept right through it.
How is that even possible?
That officer rothpan likes something I don't?
No, that someone could sleep through " mackenzie falls."
- ( stomach growls ) - gotta get to a meeting.
What's the matter with you? Have some respect
For the greatest actor of his generation.
When I see zac efron, I will.
How dare you?
( clamoring ) yo yo!
Somebody used my bathroom!
- Are you sure? - I told you I saw something.
You find out who did this.
Do you want us to flush him out?
I'm sorry. Do you think that's funny?
Yeah, you think that's funny?
A little.
That explains why he likes " so random."
( cackles )
That's comedy!
Hey. Long day at work?
You won't believe the mess I made today.
Oh! You got to use the mop!
No, I made a mess between tawni and her mother.
Oh. Well, sweetie, if they're anything like us--
- No, they're not. - ( knock on door )
I wonder who that could be.
Tawni?
So I realized
I can't fire my manager if she's my mother.
I'm so glad to hear that!
So I fired her as my mother too!
What? That's terrible!
Where will you go? Where will you stay?
- I'm staying here. - For dinner?
Forever!
( bawling )
( cackles, bawls )
Then you went home to talk to your mother, and--
( bawling, babbling )
No, tami, sweetie, she's here and she's perfectly fine.
( howling )
Uh, no, just our cat.
Uh, tabby?
Yes, they're very demanding.
I gotta go.
Well, your mom says hi.
- Really? - Well,
Actually she said, ( bawls, babbles )
She said, "moose protractor porkpants"?
It's possible I heard her wrong.
Oh, no, you heard her right.
So what else is in there besides bowling and pinball?
I'm pretty sure I saw a tiger.
- Freeze! - ( both scream )
You hold me all day,
But when it comes to the slide, I'm on my own?
Aha! - What are you doing here, chad?
You're not supposed to be here. - Yeah.
Well, I guess it's just a day
Of people being where they're not supposed to be.
- Now, sit! - I'm not gonna sit.
- I said sit down! - Okay.
Now maybe we'll get to the bottom of this.
Somebody in this room
Used chad dylan cooper's private toilet.
- It wasn't me. - It wasn't me.
Somebody want to explain this?
That's a pickle. It starts its life out as a cucumber,
Then it's put in a briny mixture of garlic and spices.
Depending on the duration of the fermentation--
He means whose pickle is it, nitwit!
Oh. It's mine.
Lid and case closed.
This is the guy who used your throne.
No no. Wait wait. I didn't use your throne.
- Then it was you. - Never even got in there.
Maybe it was you.
How would that even be possible?
I would never do that to chad dylan cooper.
The man is a national treasure,
With eyes the deepest shade of blue--
All right! I did it!
Wha-- whoa what?
- Seriously? - Yes, seriously.
I can't take this anymore.
Every Wednesday at 8:00, 7:00 central--
"mackenzie falls" is on!
"oh my gosh, it's chad dylan cooper!"
First of all, I sound nothing like that.
First of all, you do.
- I don't think so. - Oh, I know so.
Didn't see that coming.
( bell rings ) - tawni: Sonny, where's my hot cocoa?
Coming! I'm just making sure it's hot enough this time.
This is ridiculous. She has been here a week.
She's only been here three days.
- ( bell rings ) - tawni: Sonny!!!
Really?
It feels like a year.
I'm coming!
( shrieking ) - okay okay. Here you go.
You got your hot cocoa. It's hot, the way you like it.
- Anything else? - Yes. One more thing.
What?
My blanket's crooked, so now my arm got over the cover.
Okay.
Okay, good. Now you got your hot cocoa,
Your magazines, your covered arm.
- Now if you'll excuse me-- - ( snores )
Oh, sonny, enough of this-- - shhh!
You'll wake her and then she'll want more things.
And what about tomorrow, huh?
And the day after that and the day after that?
I think she leaves the day after that.
She's never gonna leave. Why would she?
You're giving her everything she wants.
You're right. That's the problem.
We're treating her like a guest.
We need to treat her like family.
Well, at least the family she thinks we are.
Why? What does tawni think of us?
Ugly drapes.
Knick-knacks.
Smelly couch.
Whatever you need, I'm in.
- ( blowing whistle ) - up up up up!
( loud music plays ) - let's go let's go let's go!
It's 5:00 in the morning.
I know. We slept in. Up up up!
One of the ways me and my mom
Avoid getting into the kind of fights
That you and your mom got into
Is through communication.
Because the family that works out together--
Both: Works it out together! Work it out!
Whoo! Mom,
I didn't appreciate the tone of voice that you used with me yesterday
When you told me to clean the dishes.
Work it out!
And honey, when you throw your towel on the floor,
It makes me feel like you think I'm a maid.
Work it out!
Tawni, it's your turn.
When you two wake me up at 5: 00 in the morning
It makes me want to punch you out!
That's not how we do it here.
We work it out!
Yay! ( blows whistle )
Mom, I totally love this new mop!
I love our mother-daughter mop time!
You mean mother-daughter-tawni mop time?
Come on, you're a part of the family now!
Mop it out!
Ready? Okay.
Mop it out!
Okay, I got one!
Must lay down!
Me too.
Yeah!
Look at you, in your very own t-shirt with a funny slogan!
"munroes plus one equals fun!"
You're the one!
Get it? You're the one.
Can I take it off now?
No, you've got to-- wear it out!
- ( doorbell rings ) - I'll get it!
Please be for me please be for me!
( gasps ) tawni! - Mommy, thank goodness you got my text.
Thank goodness I didn't cancel the family plan!
- You've gotta save me. - ( gasps ) look at this place!
The ugly drapes, knick-knacks, t-shirts with slogans!
You people are sick.
Get me out of here before the square dancing starts!
What do you know? Your plan worked.
I knew if we sjected tawni to that stupid mop, she'd snap.
Did you not like the mop?
You can come home and I'll be your mom and manager
And everything can go back to the way that it was.
Yes. Wait.
No. I didn't suffer in this apartment for three months
To go back to the way things were.
Um, you were here four days.
Both: It felt like forever.
Mom, I--
Uhhh---
Heh-heh...
- I-- - ( music plays )
Yeah!
You push me to do the things I don't want to do.
Makes me feel like you think I'm stupid!
Work it out!
What is that?
That's how we do things here.
Come on, give it a try.
Now, how do you feel about what tawni just said?
Oh, when tawni makes decisions for herself,
It makes me think she's growing up and doesn't need me anymore.
Work it out!
Is that what this is about?
Yes.
No, you didn't say, "work it out!"
Mom, they're working it out.
Mom, I'm always gonna need you as my mom.
But when it comes to my career,
I need to be listened to.
I'm sorry I didn't listen to you.
But I promise from now on I will.
- Oh! - ( squeals )
Now what do you say we go shop it out?
Yeah!
Toodles!
Maybe we should go "shop it out!"
I could always use another t-shirt.
Oh, goody, because I saw the cutest one with a frog on it
That said, "hop to it!"
What about another mop?
I can't believe how mad chad got about his toilet.
He's so melodramatic.
That's his specialty.
He's an actor, dolt!
I wouldn't let him talk to you like that if I were you.
You know what? You're right.
I'm not gonna. You're--
- What's the word? - Fired.
Yeah, you're fired.
- ( bell ringing ) - okay, coming!
- ( bell ringing ) - just a minute!
Here. - You know, if you give him the cocoa,
He's never gonna leave.
How can he ring the bell?
Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com